the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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