sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
