what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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