R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
