dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
