Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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