every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
