is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
