wanna go halves on a baby?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
