I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
