i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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