just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
