Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
