I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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