I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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