he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
