I faked an abortion last night.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
