Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
