I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
