I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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