I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
