The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
