did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
