Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
