VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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