you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
