help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
