butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We just shotgunned beers for America
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
