this boner is exhausting
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
