Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
