Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
