I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
