TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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