Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
