At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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