u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My pussy is not your playground.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
