oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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