This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
