Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
