she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
