My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
