got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize