so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
