My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
