Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
