you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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