I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
