38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize