youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
