I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize