Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
