So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
