Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
