end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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