How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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