you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
