After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
