you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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