Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There r osticjed everywhere
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
