Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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