Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
