Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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