No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
