I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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