Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
