Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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