I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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