he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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