the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
