just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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