Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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