listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
