drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
