I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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