i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
