A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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