dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
