i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
