im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
