My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize