Where is the hickey?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
