Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
