watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
