i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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