I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
