I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
