you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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