Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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