I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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