actually, I'm a sock model
wanna go halves on a baby?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
