So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
