and you said cock pushups were impossible
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
