all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
