one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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