i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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