I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
