I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
