I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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