miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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