Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
